Before curiosity wins

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MYRNA BROWN, HOST: Next up, inoculating our children in an age of deviancy.

As parents, we want to shield our children from the darkness of this world for as long as we can. But the reality of today’s digital world means that inappropriate sexual content is coming after kids. They don’t have to look for it. 

So how do we “porn-proof” our children before the damage is done?

MARY REICHARD, HOST: Joining us to talk about it is Kristen Jenson, founder of DefendYoungMinds.com and the author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures. It’s a series of books organized into very short chapters of 1-3 pages with colorful, family-oriented illustrations.

MARY REICHARD: So, Kristen, how do you explain to a child what is happening without also exposing him or her to adult concepts you’d rather they not hear? You write about the “thinking brain” and the “feeling brain.”

KRISTEN JENSON: We don't go to the dark part, you know? You just need to give them enough information so they recognize what they're seeing, right? If they're seeing nudity online, you should know about it as a parent. So it's a very simple definition. 

In any case, we do talk about the thinking brain and the feeling brain. And you know, that feeling brain is that primitive center part of your brain that is always trying to help you survive. It's where you have your hunger and your thirst and your basic drives. 

And your thinking brain is that prefrontal cortex in the front, you know, right behind your forehead. And that part of the brain is what is immature in a child and grows and and matures until you're about twenty-five. And that part of the brain, those are the brakes. And that's the part of the brain that can say, "Mmm, you know, hold off. Maybe I shouldn't do that. Maybe that's not a good idea.” 

And we teach children to begin using their thinking brain. You know, stop at the curb, hold mom's hand before you run out into the street.

REICHARD: So let’s break down the exact actions to take. You use an acronym, “CANDO.” Walk us through the CANDO safety plan that parents can practice with their children.

JENSON: So every kid needs a definition, a warning, and a plan. The CANDO plan has five steps. CANDO is the acronym because we want to empower our kids to know they CAN DO this. They can reject pornography. And C stands for “close your eyes.” You want to limit the amount of time you are looking at that image or that video. A is “always tell a trusted adult,” so it's not a secret. And N is “name it when I see it.” When you name something, "that's pornography,” suddenly your thinking brain is stronger and is more in control because that feeling brain is super curious. And then the D and the O part is all about training your brain to kind of forget that image. Now we're like, you can't ever forget it. But you can actually, there's some tricks you can do to neutralize a memory.

REICHARD: Okay, so that’s the D for “distract” and O for “order.”

JENSON: When those terrible or those shocking or even those intriguing images come back into the mind, which they will do, they will pop back up, it's important to teach your child how to distract themselves away from them. And we have some very specific steps on how to do that and how your child can practice. And then order my thinking brain to be the boss, that's the O. Again, very specific steps to help that child practice putting their thinking brain in charge, making their thinking brain the boss, because otherwise that feeling brain is going to lead them down to curiosity, and we don't want that. 

REICHARD: Kristen, you teach that practicing these steps is absolutely imperative. Why is that?

JENSON: You've got to give kids some good reasons why not, and you've got to give kids a specific plan and they need to practice it.

REICHARD: I’m wondering, have you gotten real feedback that it works?

JENSON: One nine-year-old boy went to school. His mother read him Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, he knew the CANDO plan, he practiced it, and went on the playground and one of his friends came up with a phone, third grade, and showed him pornography. 

Well, he recognized it. He had the vocabulary, right? He knew what it was and he knew what to do. And when he got home, he told his mom. And he said, “I was scared, but I knew what to do. I was scared, but I knew what to do.” 

And this is the burden that we need to share with our children. No child deserves to face pornography alone.

REICHARD: Kristen, what is the big takeaway you want for parents in all this? They might be worried kids will be scared by it.

JENSON: I have never heard of anyone saying that their children were scared when they read the book. I have heard the opposite, that they loved the book! I expected the parents would appreciate the book, but I did not know the children would say, “This is my favorite book. Read this book to me again!” you know? And I think it's because we go about it in such a warm way that children really love. They love to be educated, they love to be trusted with knowledge, and they love to be taught. And nobody wants to be caught off guard. 

REICHARD: Kristen Jensen is author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, a guide to helping kids avoid the harm of pornography in a culture that is saturated with it. 

Kristen Jensen, thank you so much!

JENSON: Thank you, Mary.

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