Young women versus marriage and motherhood

It is as natural as air and water that girls dream about their wedding day. In fact, the endurance of marriage is largely due to women, and their inherent potential for motherhood.

Anthropologically, marriage arose as a man’s obligation of protection, provision, and fidelity toward one woman as the mother of their common children. Consider the etymology of the word matrimony being made up of mātrem or māter (mother) and mōnium (obligation). It establishes her living under the community enforced right to his affection and care. Likewise, “husband” comes from the Old Norse húsbóndi, meaning “house bond.” Literally, this man is bonded to this home with this woman and their common children. These facts are the primordial glue making civilization possible.

This is why Aristotle, who lived three centuries before Jesus ever taught a word about marriage, placed the husband/wife/children triad as the literal nucleus of the polis in the first page of his Politics. Marriage is the binding mechanism that creates the family in human experience. All of this because procreative marriage is the third common grace God gave to humanity after life itself and the God-imaging nature of male and female. It is the first human institution. On this, Christianity, Judaism, and secular anthropology agree.

All this explains why new research analysis from the Pew Research Center is deeply concerning. Working with data from the University of Michigan’s highly reputable and 50 yearlong Monitoring the Future research project, Pew reports that “U.S. high schoolers are less likely now than in the past to say they want to get married someday.” And a shrinking share say they’re “very likely" to have children if they do get married.

In 1993, a full 80% of high school seniors in America said they “are most likely to choose to get married in the long run.” The latest data has this shrinking to 67% in 2023, a 13-point drop over three decades. The number who said they will most likely not marry nearly doubled since 1993, rising from 5 to 9% in 2023. Sixteen percent of seniors said they had “no idea” if they would marry 30 years ago, rising to 24% today. These are certainly not positive growth trend numbers.

The survey also asked American high school seniors about their marital expectations. Declining numbers said they expected to “stay married to the same person for life” and “want to have children.” Remarkably, only 59% of 12th graders in 1993 said they thought it was “very or fairly likely” they would stay married to the same person for life. But that number is now down to 51%, a pitiful stat. And only 48% say they want to have children, down from 64% 30 years ago, a 16-point decline toward increasing childlessness, even as population levels threaten to crater.

What is most concerning however is that senior-aged girls have turned sourer on marriage than their male peers. In 1993, girls (83%) were more likely than boys (76%) to want to get married. By 2023, this trend reversed, and dramatically so. While boys have barely changed in their expectation of marrying, girls are not only less likely than boys to desire marriage, they trail boys by a full 13 points, 74% to 61%. This is nature turned on its head.

Add to this that in 2024, Pew reported young women were more likely than young men to say they didn’t want to ever have children, 21 to 15%, a six-point margin. A larger proportion of young women admitted they were “not sure”—32% to men’s 28%. What is more, strong majorities said they felt “not much” or “no” pressure from their parents to marry (73%) or have children (67%).

In 2023, Pew reported that U.S. adults set an all-time record high of never married 40-year-olds. In 1980, just 6% of adults were unmarried at this age. It is now shooting skyward.

Here is the great concern.

When emerging young women are more likely than men to say they are cooling on ever marrying or having children, something is terribly wrong with the make-up of our society. Brad Wilcox, the eminent University of Virginia sociologist, remarked on X in response to this newest Pew data, the “Anti-nuptial turn among young women & adolescent girls is disastrous.”

Why?

Because this is happening at the very time when the social sciences are amply documenting how marriage leads to increased health, well-being, life satisfaction, and greater overall happiness, by a massive margin. University of Chicago research from 2023 found that “Being married is the most important differentiator with a 30-percentage point happy-unhappy gap over the unmarried.” This same research also found that “conservatives are distinctly happier than liberals.”

Finally, recently released research tells us that married mothers are markedly happier and more content in life than their single, childless, and unmarried mothering peers. They are “nearly twice as likely to report being ‘very happy’ compared to single, childless women” and they are about half as likely to experience frequent loneliness. Married mothers also have a notably deeper sense of meaning and purpose in life.

San Diego State University’s Jean Twenge, a co-author of this study, explains, “Pop culture portrayals, online forums and media headlines declaring single women without children are happier than married mothers are simply not true.”

It is wholly natural for young girls and women to yearn for marriage—as the best social science reveals it is indeed in their best interest. That is why something is severely wrong with our society when they are increasingly turning away from a very natural desire for marriage and motherhood.