We need discernment, sisters

Too many women are still being discipled by the algorithm, and it shows. In the aftermath of Alex Pretti’s tragic death, a familiar pattern emerged across female-dominated corners of social media: influencers demanding public outrage, emotional loyalty, and moral conformity, leaving precious little room for real discernment. Christian women are falling for it—again. 

This pattern is not new. In 2020, thousands of female influencers posted black squares on Instagram in response to the death of George Floyd. The square became a digital sacrament, like a quintessential virtue symbol of solidarity. To opt out was to risk being labeled indifferent or racist. Many women posted—not because they fully agreed or understood the point—but because silence carried social consequences.

With so many influential voices confessing to the sin of racism at the time, some well-meaning women wondered if maybe they were racist. They feared judgment and capitulated to the gaslighting in tearful videos confessing to their supposed “white supremacy.”

Women are often more relationally attuned than men. This is a strength, but it also makes women especially vulnerable to moral coercion. To be labeled “racist,” “uncaring,” or “anti-immigrant” can carry real costs, like lost friendships, damaged reputations, and professional consequences. Yet these terms are often subjectively defined by the whims of cultural gatekeepers, who demand conformity and who treat any deviation from their analysis as your moral failure.

The terms shift depending on the issue. During COVID, for example, staying home to “save lives” and receiving the vaccine to “stop the spread” were treated as basic measures of Christian love. Those who questioned official narratives were accused of endangering others, or following a distorted “MAGA Jesus.” Compassion was narrowly defined, and dissent was pathologized. It still is. 

Notably, many of the same voices remained silent about policies they now condemn when those policies were implemented by different political actors. With immigration, Barack Obama deported more than three million illegal immigrants and expanded detention facilities later derided as “cages,” yet few spoke out against it at the time. Tom Homan, now vilified as the face of cruelty, was previously honored for his enforcement work under the Obama administration. Was the policy moral then and immoral now, or did the moral assessment change with the party in power?

Alex Pretti and Renee Good should not have been killed. Full stop. A Christian response begins with grief and lament. But refusing to examine the conditions that contributed to these tragedies does nothing to prevent the next one. Acknowledging factors such as breakdowns between local and federal law enforcement, the dangers of interfering with active police operations, or the way volatile crowd dynamics escalate tense situations is not callousness, it is common sense.

Emotional imagery absent full context makes it even worse. Two weeks ago, a photograph of a young child in a cartoon hat during an ICE encounter spread rapidly, inviting instant identification and grief. Women imagine their own children and respond accordingly. As a mother, I completely understand that reaction. Yet fuller details complicated the story. In the case of 5-year-old Liam, the child’s mother was present and refused to take him inside, leaving officers little choice. Still, the image fueled thousands of posts condemning law enforcement. 

But simpler narratives are easier and feel safer, protecting reputation and dissuading judgment. Lifestyle influencers interrupted sourdough tutorials and marketing tips to express their horror about the latest incidents, yet they were silent when young women like Laken Riley and Jocelyn Nungaray were murdered. Condemnation, when it appeared, was carefully caveated. Compassion has become a curated phenomenon. 

At the same time, significant positive developments related to immigration enforcement are ignored. Stricter border enforcement has coincided with a substantial drop in fentanyl deaths, a trend that began in the last year of the Biden administration and has continued under Trump. Illegal crossings have decreased, improving safety for migrants and residents alike. But these facts rarely penetrate the influencer echo chamber, where emotional vignettes that lean one way dominate.

Christian women want to be kind. They want to love their neighbors. That desire is good, and it is precisely why they are vulnerable to online messaging. But performative empathy is replacing wisdom, and critical thinking is dismissed as hardness of heart. 

When churches hesitate to speak clearly about complex moral and political issues, women look elsewhere for guidance, with algorithms filling the vacuum. Social media disciples not through careful reasoning, but through emotional saturation. It trains viewers to react to and absorb prepackaged narratives without weighing evidence. 

Christian women need discipleship rooted in real communities, accountable relationships, and a robust moral imagination, one capable of holding compassion and truth together. Emotional sensitivity is not the enemy of wisdom. But without discernment, compassion becomes a tool that can be easily manipulated by those with inconsistent worldviews or who profit from outrage.

Editor’s note: This column has been updated to clarify that the drop in fentanyl deaths began in the last year of the Biden administration.