The “Me Generation” grows old—and lonely

The late, great Tom Wolfe was the first to observe the “Me decade,” in which the Baby Boomers came of age and exhibited levels of narcissism never before seen in history. The “Me generation” placed an ultimate value on self-fulfillment and self-realization. And while curmudgeons decried this spiral of selfishness, we were assured that everything would be fine. The traditionalists could lead our backwards lives of piety as we saw fit (until we couldn’t), while they would lead their personal actualizations. What’s the worst that could happen from this worldview?

How about demographic and social collapse? You see, it became tactless to decry frivolous divorce, gay “marriage,” and intentional childlessness. We had to break free from the constraints of previous generations, we were told.

But what happens when people don’t have lifelong spouses to stick around in sickness and in health? And what happens when people get alienated from their kids due to selfish behavior that’s never repented of or forgiven, or when one or both parties totally embrace the logic of individualism, where family and religious obligations are cast aside? And what happens when wide swathes of the population intentionally have no children at all, whether because of same-sex relationships or reliance upon artificial birth control?

Well, a big problem. A horrible problem. A self-inflicted problem. A problem that will prove a burden on everyone, including those who made wiser, more selfless, more sacrificial, and more loving choices.

The problem is this: Fewer and fewer aging Americans have family to take care of them. Traditionally, spouses and descendants have looked to the welfare of the elderly, with religious and other institutions coming alongside to help those without such resources or who needed a higher level of care than could be provided at home. Think of the Bible or any other ancient or medieval text. A child wasn’t just a loved one. He was the primary social safety net. Thus, widows who lose their only sons are an economic horror story. Even today, folks still face tragedies they never chose but simply result from the chaos of a fallen world: untimely death of spouses, infertility, and more still afflict the innocent. But those are all understood as horrible losses.

From an economic standpoint, investing in one’s family was investing in the future. It required a moral imagination that could conceive of wants and needs beyond the immediate moment and on even through many generations. Yet, despite all their protestations to the contrary, the Me generation didn’t have much of an imagination—not where it counted the most.

But that’s not how the “Me generation” and their media mouthpieces are spinning it. Moral self-awareness is for squares. No, the demographic horror show now erupting is going to need a re-brand. So now we’re talking about “solo aging.”

NPR just ran a story on the difficulties solo agers face, and so did the Wall Street Journal. It’s not pretty. Who is going to pick you up when you’re under anesthesia from a medical appointment? Who will help you take care of yourself when you lose mobility? Who will have the power of attorney when you struggle with dementia? Who will you call for physically demanding chores around the house? Who will check in on you to see whether or not you’re even alive?

In response to the WSJ profile, Lyman Stone quipped that this situation, “times millions is the future.” And he would know. It’s his job to crunch those numbers. People aren’t having kids, and it’s going to be hard on everyone, especially the aged.

The Beatles once asked, “All the lonely people—where do they all come from?” Increasingly, they chose to be lonely. And you’re going to have to pay for it. The increased isolation the “Me generation” folks face in their waning years is the result of their own life choices. They decided to break from the life patterns of generations before them. This is the result.

The challenge for the church is twofold. First, push back hard against “me-first-ism.” That includes saying “no” to anti-natalism. Second, we must not give in to bitterness against the foolish elderly. Many are the lost sons and daughters who’ve wasted their inheritance on prodigality. As they look at the metaphorical pig slop of their life choices, may we be there to tell them of the wisdom of contrition and of a Father Who would welcome them back with open arms.