Motherhood is no penalty

Researchers call it a “motherhood penalty.” It’s a woman’s declining probability of employment and potential income up to 10 years after her first birth. A new study from The Economist finds that 24% of women leave the workforce after their first baby, and 15% still aren’t working 10 years later.

The article positions this as a net negative. With a headline like “Motherhood hurts careers,” one might assume that women do not want to leave the workforce. It’s a myth.

Nearly 25% of mothers in the United States stay at home, most of them by their own choosing. The number of stay-at-home mothers rose by 9% in the last couple of years—not because women felt forced to toil at home with the children, but because they wanted to be primary caregivers.

No matter how often women staying home tell us they prefer it, media and researchers assume they know better. In another study, one that found moms citing personal choice for staying at home, the authors pushed the idea that “increased flexibility at work and more affordable childcare options” would help them get back to their jobs.

Is anyone listening to women? They aren’t asking to go back. For those who do want to work, flexibility and affordability are certainly helpful, but many see themselves as indispensable in “the little years.”

It’s not “tradwife chic” to stay home with your kids. It’s normal. It’s good. And most Americans believe it’s best.

So do parenting experts like Erica Komisar, who concluded back in 2017 that children need high doses of a mother’s presence in the first three years of life to establish healthy emotional development.

After watching cases of ADHD, early childhood aggression, and social disorders rise in clients, Komisar recognized a common denominator: a lack of time these children had with their mothers early on.

“I was seeing an epidemic level of emotionally troubled children who were really suffering from the absence of their mothers on a daily basis,” she said.

Komisar’s findings were controversial to some working moms, who complained the information only added more “guilt” to their busy lives. “Komisar wants working mothers to feel guilty so they will do as biology (allegedly) dictates and stay home with their infants,” wrote one such woman for Slate.

Biology does draw us closer to our babies because God specifically designed mothers to carry and nourish them physically. And research shows that the fetal cells can remain in a mother’s body for years after birth. Scientific studies or not, most women feel distressed when parting with their young children.

Society has brainwashed mothers to believe that all “guilt” is an unfair burden. It’s a lie. Sometimes, we feel guilty because we should be making different decisions. Sometimes, “guilt” helps us see more clearly. “The more time you’re with that baby, the better off that baby will be,” said Komisar.

Would anyone argue that a baby is better off with a day care provider than her mother? No one can replace the regulation, familiarity, and comfort a mother provides.

What if we sought ways to help more women stay home instead of force-feeding them back to the office? What if we enacted family-friendly policies that empowered self-selected mothers to take multiple years off to raise children?

Instead of putting government resources into lower-cost child care, we could put money directly into the pockets of families and expand the flexibility of paid leave programs. We should incentivize mothers to stay home instead of getting back to work.

What about fathers? The Economist study shows that 95% of men between the ages of 25 and 54 are in the labor force, while only 52% of women are.

Stay-at-home fathers are less common, but that can be attributed to a natural order to family life. God created us differently, and women more naturally gravitate toward the home and child care. It’s not wrong to take a different approach, but sexism isn’t the reason it’s less common.

Women also tend to choose lower-paying careers, like caregiving or teaching, so when it’s time to raise a family, it’s logical to give up the lower-paying job.

Why have we led parents to expect that they’re entitled to low-cost or free child care as if children are merely an economic burden? Years ago, someone told me, “You’ll save at least a million dollars if you don’t have kids.”

The exchange was absurd. I would pay $10 million for the children I’m blessed with now.

Yet, when women carry protest signs that read “Child care shouldn’t cost our future,” what message are they sending to the toddlers beside them? That they are an unwanted cost and burden?

Motherhood is no penalty. God has chosen us to raise these flourishing little miracles that we often grow in our own bodies. To primarily raise virtuous, kind, character-driven, Christlike adults is an honor and a challenge from the living God Himself. It’s a sacrifice, but it is also a privilege of the highest order.