It is not good for woman to be alone

Over the course of the pandemic, dozens of articles lamented the experiences of mothers with young children, home without reprieve. “Moms with Kids Under 5 are Not Okay” read one headline in early 2022. As we reflect on COVID almost three years later, we need to revisit motherhood during the pandemic.

I get the sentiment. When the pandemic started, I had a newly minted 2-year-old, a 4-year-old, and no childcare. I was working part-time from home and definitely mourned the absence of playgrounds, indoor parks, and the availability of babysitters. 

But one mother’s struggle doesn’t represent them all. Some mothers were unhappier than others and the chips didn’t just fall randomly. The American Family Survey finds that mothers were more “okay” than childless women—and married mothers were even more okay. 

The study reveals that “life satisfaction” during the pandemic was highest among middle-income married mothers. What does marriage or motherhood have to do with happiness, anyway? Quite a bit, in fact.  

Research shows that marriage, in general, leads to better economic outcomes for families. Better financial circumstances lead to higher reported “well-being.” As it turns out, poor mothers were the least likely to be married and least satisfied with their lives in 2020. This makes sense given they were likely most affected by school closings and childcare issues, by no fault of their own.

The absence of a partner during the stressful time of the pandemic understandably took a harsh toll. The Census Bureau found that 95 percent of upper-income moms had a co-parent at home, while only 55 percent of low-income moms did. The consequential data showed that 75 percent of married mothers were at least somewhat satisfied with their lives and only 58 percent of unmarried mothers were during this time. 

Whether secular cultural commentators admit it or not, marriage matters. It is one of the most powerful antidotes to poverty, loneliness, and prevention of childhood trauma. Divorce and family brokenness are both considered adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and certainly left children worse off during the pandemic as well. 

Within marriage, we find more stable relationships, and increased rates of mental health, undoubtedly related to the shared mental load of parenting, and domestic and financial responsibilities. 

And while progressive headlines showed sympathy for moms at home during COVID, they didn’t explain the steep rise in mothers choosing to homeschool and lasting, decreased numbers of women seeking work or preferring remote work when given the option. Sure, some were forced to let go of jobs against their will. However, the secular left is loath to admit that women, by and large, value schedule and location flexibility in order to be home more for children over higher pay. COVID revealed this even more clearly than before. 

The ship has sailed for some families, but it’s not too late to advocate for married motherhood for future generations. When people understand the significant difference committed marriage relationships have on their mental health, economic potential, and parenthood prospects, they can make more informed life decisions.

It can be difficult information to convey, given that American culture presents every acceptable option through the lens of immediate self-satisfaction. New York Times opinion writer Amy Shearn opined that she divorced her children’s father after realizing their souls were “no longer aligned.” But there’s more to a good life than perfectly matched souls, especially after you’ve created a family with them. 

There’s also what was missing from the constant barrage of articles on the hardship of pandemic motherhood: the struggles of the real victims, America’s children. The children who lost valuable years of education to a Zoom screen, falling behind in social skill development and developmental milestones, will be affected for a lifetime. Furthermore, they heard their parents complain of their burden—on phone calls, in the news, and within the wider cultural conversation. They heard us, make no mistake about that. 

But married mothers had a buffer. They had mental and emotional support at home, and more financial security and options because of that. There’s a reason God created the family in this way: an intact family is more likely to remain secure during the storms of life. It protects children and adults in a unique way that only marriage can—a remnant of Edenic days that still upholds us today. 

People prefer to talk about emotions, not statistics. To be sure, single mothers especially took the brunt of pandemic parenting hardest. That said, data like that I’ve presented above can lead us to the healthy, emotional outcomes we actually want for our lives. When we teach young people that marriage is important for relationship stability, economic prosperity, and healthy children, we can re-cultivate a culture that produces stronger families and in turn, stronger people and societies. But we had better teach that lesson with our lives, and not merely with our words.