From dating apps to decline

In March, the Wall Street Journal published a story titled “American Women Are Giving Up on Marriage,” igniting discussion among evangelical thinkers. The trend it describes—a growing reluctance to marry—should alarm Christians, not because it’s novel, but because it reveals how deeply secular culture has infiltrated our own.

Evangelicals broadly agree on two truths on this topic: God’s first command to humanity was to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), and the surest way to carry the gospel forward is by raising children with a biblical worldview and a family experience that they will eventually share with their own children.

Evangelicals face the same struggles as declining mainline denominations—not so much in theology, where we’ve held firm, but in the cultural processes surrounding dating, marriage, and childbearing. These mirror the broader secular breakdown. Census data show the median age of first marriage for Americans rose from 23 in 1990 to 29 by 2024, a delay that shrinks family size. Women marrying at 25 average 2.4 children, while those at 30 average 1.8, per the National Survey of Family Growth and a similar report from the Heritage Foundation.

Even Christians are marrying later and having fewer kids. A good many adopt a single lifestyle and never marry.

This shift traces back to a key problem. The truth is that many people see finding a marriage partner as an individualistic pursuit. Once an entire community, bolstered by family and church, helped young people find spouses. Now, selection has become a solitary endeavor, with minimal input from social circles. Many Christians have bought the secular myth that marriage is a magical spark of “love,” ignited in isolation.

The internet, particularly dating apps, turbocharge this dysfunction.

For men, apps turn courtship into a brutal job market: endless rejections from profiles that barely glance at them. For women, it’s an inbox of spam, sifting for a diamond amid junk. The apps commodify people, reducing them to digital assets while profiting off their loneliness.

Worse, they distort the mating market for everyone.

We also over-apply Paul’s statements about singleness—meant as a rare calling for the kingdom’s sake (1 Corinthians 7:7-8)—to excuse a broken mating market. “Singleness is a gift” or “wait on the Lord for a husband” spiritualizes women’s accountability for delaying marriage and their adoption of the cultural belief that marriage is primarily a tool for personal fulfillment.

The stakes are high. Late marriages test men’s commitment to purity while shrinking women’s pool of “acceptable” mates as they age and outpace their male peers in education or income. Worse still for successful women in their 30s is that their equally high-status male peers prefer women in their 20s.

The delayed marriages also mean fewer children even for committed believers while others will end up childless.

I’m not advocating arranged marriages, which breed their own problems by requiring no effort from either party. But historically, “arranged” often meant “vetted from a pool of suitors by those who know you best and love you most”—a system worth reviving.

In the Bible, Ruth’s story reveals this truth. Naomi identified Boaz, a godly prospective husband for Ruth, from her community (Ruth 2:1). The romance fell into place, but Naomi helped Ruth in a way few are helping single young people today.

Once identified, the matching part is straightforward. A trusted third party makes an introduction between two people who are openly seeking marriage and have indicated interest in each other to the third party.

Instead, what we have now is a broken pairing system that doesn’t just shrink families—it hampers evangelism.

Asking converts to trust Christ and reserve sex for marriage is reasonable. Asking them to embrace chastity indefinitely because our church doesn’t help young people to find spouses is not. Young adults feel this fracture keenly. A church where willing, prepared men and women meet and marry is a testimony to our belief in God’s design.

If this trend persists another generation, declining birth rates—already below replacement among many evangelicals—could hollow out our communities. Some might object that community matchmaking feels intrusive. Fair enough—it’s a shift from our individualistic norm. But most single Christians, experienced in the failed dating market, would accept a little oversight for a real shot at marriage. It’s far better than aging into a world with no children and few families, a future Scripture warns against (Isaiah 4:1).

Tending to the formation and growth of families isn’t meddling. It’s stewardship of the gospel’s future.