For the Bible tells me so

For a person who spends more than enough time online posting articles, X threads, and Substacks about the best way to be Christian in a post-Christian world, a question posed to The New York Times Ethicist in December left me feeling uncomfortably convicted.

“Name Withheld” wrote in to ask what he should do about his neighbor, a “sweet 85-year-old woman.” “She is very religious,” complained Name Withheld, and “prays for me and says it in person, texts, and emails for even the most minor situations.” When informed by Name Withheld that “she doesn’t need to pray for me,” this wonderful old lady “said she has to, otherwise she’s not following the Bible.” The simplicity of that line and the persistence of that prayer have to be, together, worth the weight of a thousand blog posts on evangelism and church growth.

I live in a neighborhood that might best be characterized as “post-Christian.” Surrounded by dwindling churches, neat rows of houses once replete with churchgoing families, children in tow, are now inhabited by retirees, dual-income-no-kids influencers, and a young man who flies an enormous Church of Satan flag. Getting to know the people I live next to is seriously hard going. More conversations go on in the Nextdoor app than in person, though most people do murmur good morning if they just happen to make eye contact. Once, an ambulance stood lights flashing outside the house across from mine, and I rushed out, hoping to find out if everything was OK. It was on my lips to say, “I’m praying, let me know how else I can help,” but the words died when my neighbor, embarrassed by the commotion and attention, beat a hasty retreat back to her front door.

One problem I have is that, even though I’m in my late 40s, I’m still too young. I care too much about what other people think about me, especially when I don’t know them. I am oppressed by the fear of violating social conventions. I love my neighbors, of course, and do pray for them, but the thought of telling them what I’m doing fills me with dread.

“She said she has to” puts everything into perspective. The person who prays must believe that the God to whom the prayer is directed is a Being of great power, the One who possesses more authority than an uncomfortable neighbor who wishes those prayers wouldn’t happen. Should that neighbor write to the Times or get on the Nextdoor app to complain or scold all Christians on X that their prayers are useless, his discomfort is no reason to desist. The Christian must learn to endure the silent accusation of having given offense and see it as a reason for endurance and hope. For God did not dot the landscape with Christians to condemn the world, but that through their prayers, some might be saved.

Praying for people has to be one of the most uncontroversial things a Christian does—especially for one’s neighbor. Any number of sermons or Bible studies all lead back to the same point. The Christian must pray and must pray especially for her neighbor. And, going a step further, the Christian should seize the opportunity to tell the subject of her prayers and that she is being brought before the throne of God. It is not a matter of personal choice, a flight of fancy, or an act of self-indulgence. On the contrary, that sweet 85-year-old troublemaker knows the definition and measure of Christian love. Not only is she putting into action her convictions, but she’s also saying it out loud to the chagrin of Name Withheld, who is so bothered he has to write to America’s paper of record to complain about it.

I want to be her when I grow up. I want to care so much for the people I see every day that I don’t worry at all about myself. I want to be doddering and forgetful enough that when people tell me they don’t want me to pray, I do it out of habit. Most of all, I want to have been shaped by the commandments of Scripture so that when someone complains to me that I am “not respecting their boundaries,” I will be able to stare at them with a blank face, nod, and say, “I’m praying for you.” When asked why, I shall cheerfully declare, “The Bible says I have to.”