Before you cancel those holiday plans

Increasingly, you might find yourself in the same position as many Christians as you look ahead to spending the holidays with family members who voted differently from you.

Should you cancel your plans? Lately, that question has been mentioned on news programs and talk shows. And the answer I’ve heard the most is “Yes.”

But I think that is misguided. There might be many reasons why your Thanksgiving or Christmas activities need to change, but I don’t think “who your relatives voted for” should be among them. Hear me out.

Consider the nature of table fellowship. You don’t have to define it in a politically tribal way. If Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners, can’t we share meals with those who hold differing political positions?

A family gathering doesn’t have to last 12 hours. You can join people for a meal, laugh, tell stories, reminisce with loved ones, fill up on good food, and have a meaningful time.

But what if showing up feels awkward? Doing something awkward can be good for us because it helps us develop fortitude and perseverance. Doing something awkward forces you to consider others besides yourself—even others instead of yourself.

Consider the importance of family. In an era of widespread loneliness, we need to do what we can to preserve familial bonds. Yet I’ve seen social media clips of people pronouncing severed ties with uncles and aunts, with grandparents, even with their mom and dad. And according to these posts, the reason has to do with political support.

The instinct to “cancel” others, including those in our families, is one we should resist. How would such an impulse square with the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22–23?

Extended families are complicated, but they matter. While they’re not the most important thing in the world, they’re certainly significant and worthy of our attention, investment, and love. Don’t sever your relationships with family members because of the signs in their yard or because of how they cast their ballot.

Consider the value of conversation. When you share meals with those who voted differently from you, that dynamic doesn’t mean you’ve compromised your convictions or that you’re underplaying your political views. Rather, sharing such meals means you’re avoiding a reductionistic—or zero-sum game approach—to these meals.

Multiple things can be true at the same time. Political issues matter because they affect us and those around us. Political differences also matter because the goals—and the methods to achieve them—vary among voters and politicians. But God has called us to love the people around us, who are worthy of respect and dignity.

Sharing holiday meals can be a way of extending respect. Hospitality is a powerful thing. In fact, while a common recommendation is to avoid talking about religion and politics, I imagine that many dinner tables during Thanksgiving and Christmas will have plenty of conversations along those lines.

In an age when people shout over and talk past one another, you can set a different example. You can ask questions and attentively listen. If you have family members with wildly different political positions, do you know why they hold those views? Have you patiently listened and respectfully engaged them? You might be surprised at the understanding that can take place in an atmosphere of genuine respect and hospitality.

Consider the long game. None of us know how long we will live, and we don’t know how long our relatives will live either. Don’t sever ties with your grandchildren. Don’t reject your grandparents or aunts or uncles. “For man does not know his time” (Ecclesiastes 9:12).

What if you considered holiday meals with family in the context that you’re thoroughly trusting the Lord in the grand scheme of things?

Persuasion and influence are not a quick-fix strategy. They’re a long-term plan. Are you hoping to influence others for the cause of the gospel? Do you wish you could be more persuasive about certain political positions that you know conform to Scripture’s revelation? Then, regarding family gatherings at Thanksgiving and Christmas, take the long view.

If you react in the short term by canceling your holiday plans because of who your relatives voted for, that reaction probably won’t send the message that you hope it will. The message will most likely come across as arrogant, dismissive, closed-minded, disrespectful, or all of the above.

When you gather to eat with politically diverse family or friends, you can model both clarity and charity. Don’t let anyone tell you that you must choose between those postures. Set an example in reasonable speech. Offer to say a prayer of blessing for the meal and the households. Let your countenance be compelling. When bulbs get bright and candles get lit, make sure you’re a shining light, too.