Be boldly older

Dame Maggie Smith died on Sept. 27, after building her acting career by playing older women, and to great acclaim. She even played women older than her own age at the time of production. In one film, Smith portrayed a woman in her 70s when she was only 37. Smith embraced old age and the dignity and authority that went with it, which is unusual given our culture’s obsession with youth.

On the day she died, a Wall Street Journal commentary lamented the extreme efforts American baby boomers are making to forestall aging. “Longevity is in vogue,” writes Brenda Cronin. “Going gentle is yesterday’s approach. Now it’s all about thundering through middle and even old age with the brains, reflexes and agility of youth.”

Is old age merely something to be avoided as long as possible? It seems so for many women. But I wonder if our efforts to preserve the appearance of youth distract us from something urgent. In a surprising reversal of a long trend, Generation Z women are outnumbering the men in their age group in leaving the churches they grew up in, according to a survey from the American Enterprise Institute. Could it be that older Christian women are so busy trying to stay and look young that they’re neglecting a God-given stewardship?

The survey also reveals that many young women who grew up in Christian homes appear to reject complementarianism. I wonder if they have seen and heard older women demonstrating its goodness. The young women report they’re increasingly becoming feminists and embracing the LGBTQ agenda and abortion. Who has been there to challenge their cultural attitudes and show them a better way?

I needed to learn from older women when I was young. God sent Phyllis, 30 years my senior, to help me grow in maturity. She knew and loved the Bible—she’d been reading it daily since she was in her 20s. When I drifted toward feminist ideas, she took me back to the text, where the Spirit showed me that God’s ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9). She modeled for me how to submit to my husband and encouraged me to discipline our children.

Another older friend said she celebrated when her hair started going gray because it gave her more freedom to speak boldly to younger believers as the one with a gray “crown of glory … gained in a righteous life” (Proverbs 16:31). What are we neglecting, older women, when we spend our energy chasing after youth and relating to younger women as peers?

Now that I’m nearing the age Phyllis was when we met, I realize how much I need to delight in “the law of the LORD”—to be daily in His Word—to resist the pull of the world and my own flesh (Psalm 1). But also, the younger women in our church need women like me to be filled with the Word when we’re with them. Many times, when I’ve been in conversations where I don’t know what to say, the Holy Spirit brings to mind passages I’ve meditated on or memorized. I can speak much more boldly when the words are God’s Word, no matter how challenging the message may be.

Older women, we need to lean into our calling and lay aside our desires to appear young for the sake of discipling those who are young. Strong cultural currents are pulling many young women away from the church. They need faithful older women to “teach [them] what is good,” as Paul instructs in Titus 2. They need spiritual mothers who are willing to show them the goodness of loving their husbands and children; being self-controlled, pure, and kind; working at home; and being submissive to their husbands—all of this “that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:3-5).

I’m thankful God sent older women like Phyllis into my life when I was young, women who trusted the Lord and His Word. She lived out a genuine, fearless faith that I want to emulate. She was content being older and spent herself discipling young women like me.

Maggie Smith embraced old age for the delight of her fans. How much more should we who are in Christ do so for the spiritual benefit of those who are younger? We need only ask the Lord to give us eyes to see the goodness and purpose in growing old, confident that “Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).

May we use that inner renewal for kingdom purposes. Young women need us to be unafraid in the Lord to be old.