A dearth of vital virtues

In popular thinking, “toxic” is a binary, either-or reality. Either that person is toxic or he isn’t. This chemical in potato chips is toxic or it isn’t. Those emotions are either toxic or they aren’t. But this perspective fails to understand the reality of toxicity. “The dose makes the poison” goes the saying from 15th-century Swiss physician Paracelsus. Consuming one nanogram of fentanyl will never kill you, but drinking two gallons of water in one sitting might. Too much of anything can prove to be “toxic.”

Masculinity has to do with male energy and male presence—what a man feels like relationally and what his contribution is to the world. In the discourse on masculinity, there are two independent assumptions in play. One perspective envisions masculinity as inherently toxic in the binary sense: Male leadership, aggression, and ambition are poison, and masculinity is the energy of imperialism, domination, and colonialism. Masculinity in this view is like cancer. Thus, zero is good. The second perspective is more nuanced, we should note. Because the dose makes the poison, toxic masculinity is simply too much masculinity, too much of what could be a good thing. In this view, masculinity is like caffeine: Some is good.

Evangelicals and cultural commentators with, let’s assume, good intentions, will look at cowboys like Shane, influencers like Andrew Tate, and historical conquistadors like Genghis Khan and see too much masculinity. Clearly, there is something unhealthy here. We see human peacocks among us and are nauseated by their flashy, attention-seeking behavior. The antidote, some argue, would be to tone it down, to embrace a more balanced or androgynous energy.

But what if this, too, misunderstands the problem? When I reflect on the true nature of what God envisioned for masculinity, it isn’t the case that there’s too much of it, but that there is too little of the real thing. Our culture is not suffering from too much of a possibly dangerous thing. Instead, we’re suffering from too little of a necessary thing. We don’t have a toxic masculinity problem. We have an anemic masculinity problem.

What is anemic masculinity? Like a body with chronically low amounts of iron can develop anemia, a culture or a person with chronically low nutrients develops an anemic masculine presence. What are the aspects of masculinity that are the most lacking?

First, a godly masculinity will always present as humility. Not hate-yourself self-flagellation. Not male black widowlike insecurity that lacks a sense of self and allows himself to be cannibalized. Rather, a sense of self as a creature; recognition of finitude; a need for submission to the King of Kings.

Second, a proper masculinity will see his desires as fundamentally good, but nonetheless disordered. Desire for sex isn’t bad, but lust is. Desire for money isn’t bad, but greed is. Desire for power isn’t bad, but abuse is. True masculinity is marked by self-conquest, not the conquest of others.

Third, the true vision for masculinity is of a man who can take care of himself (he’s no longer being mothered) and has developed his life in such a way that he can care for others, too. This is one of the requirements of an elder we see in the Scriptures—that he “manage” and “care” well for those in his household (1 Timothy 3:4-5). He’s trustworthy and responsible.

Fourth, an authentic masculinity will recognize the reality of male power and use it to honor and uplift. “Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7) is the heart of chivalry. Not use of power for selfish gain and exploitation, but the right and ordered deployment of aggression, hostility, and service.

So, when we see men on the internet, in our workplaces, or in our churches that are acting into or out of masculine caricatures, it is wrong to label this toxic. This isn’t too much masculinity. It’s the absence of the vital virtues that beget the real thing. A chauvinist isn’t too masculine. He’s not masculine enough. He sticks out for what he lacks: chivalry and humility. The ability to consider others more significant than himself. The willingness to be a servant. The capacity to make and maintain the vulnerable bond required if he is to be a “one woman man.”

Likewise, in the various subcultures we inhabit, the absence of masculine strength-in-action means that bad players thrive while the weak and timid suffer. We are to beat back wolves, not coddle them and delve into their back stories. We are to warn divisive and unruly people while driving out the leaven that threatens the whole lump. Shirking of responsibility is wildly non-masculine.

The discourse around so-called toxic masculinity gets things mostly wrong. The world suffers not from too much, but from too little, healthy masculine presence.