Thanks for the input from all of you. I need to talk to my grandkids by phone now that they are in a safe place. I will take that into account. A different problem I have is unwanted calls from scammers, so I don't answer my phone. I get anywhere from 4 to 14 a day.
Some phones come with the option to send unknown numbers directly to voicemail. That might help.
SWRA3001
This was helpful! Several of my children struggle with talking on the phone and this lets me know how to help them.
Pauline Evans
I can certainly sympathize with young people who are uncomfortable with phone calls. When I was growing up in the 1960s and 1970s, I dreaded using the phone. I didn't know why, it just was very hard to do. As an adult, I concluded it was because I had to come up with something to say on the spot, without being able to plan out what to say as I would when writing a letter, and I didn't have the benefit of seeing someone's reaction as I spoke, as I would in a face-to-face conversation. As an adult I learned to push myself to use the phone when I needed to at work, but if I had the option to walk to someone else's office to talk, I almost always did, even if it was a five-minute walk to the other end of a large building. When email became common I was very happy to use it because I didn't have to use the phone and could take the time to think about what to say. I've only reluctantly started using texting the past few years (I resisted getting a smartphone until then, and only agreed because my husband wanted to be able to create his own hot-spot where wi-fi wasn't available), and I write texts the way I do emails, in full sentences. I like doing calls on Teams, with or without video, but it's normally only with co-workers I've interacted with many times before and about subjects where I'm generally the local expert.
DAN & BETH GASS
I remember learning to take phone calls at my first job. I hated it at first, but with practice became accustomed to it. I was 16 or 17 and this was shortly before texting became an option, so I did have social experience with the phone (chatting with Grandma, taking messages for my parents, etc.) It's a skill that probably a lot of young people aren't learning. My kids occasionally talk to family on the phone but they rarely "answer the phone" and almost never "make a phone call." We don't allow our oldest to have a cell phone, so he's not getting the social media/texting aspect of life.
Additionally, I feel like with the advent of texting, phone calls are more likely to be more serious conversations. Bad news or urgent questions. And no one wants to get a phone call from work when you're not at work. If it's not my sister calling, I'm likely to cringe when my phone rings and wonder what's wrong, or what interruption is going to happen to my day.
Thoughtful article - I need to work with my kids on their phone etiquette so they aren't "afraid" of using the phone!
We must be of the same generation, as most of what you said was the same for me. My kids also are inexperienced with phone calls and I'm not sure exactly how much I need to work on it with them. Maybe, like us, they will "have to" for work and get used to it; social phone calls aren't really a problem for my teens even though they are rare. So much "daily life" business now is even handled through text or online portals these days. It's so much more convenient for me even as a stay-at-home mom; making most phone calls needs to be something I put on my schedule and lock myself in my bedroom for. When it comes to receiving calls, I have to keep in mind that we used to have phones attached to our walls. I remember before we had an answering machine or caller ID and it's either you make it to the phone in time or you don't; later on with answering machines you could get home or get inside and have a habit of checking for the blinking light. I didn't have to screen calls from the middle of the grocery store and then remember to check for a voice mail in the car in case it's something that needs to be dealt with right away and then remember to return calls at my convenience if it's not urgent. Phone calls these days really are more of a strain than they used to be, so it's not apples to apples.
The thing about an old-fashioned face-to-face interaction is that it usually requires a certain cost to the person initiating it to put in the effort to find the person they want to talk to and strike up a conversation. I suppose drop-in visitors must have been annoying now and then when that was the main method of social interaction, but the numbers would be at least somewhat limited by geography. Face-to-face has several advantages in ensuring that non-verbal cues are also available to provide additional context to the words spoken.
Text-based communication, like emails and letters, removes the expectation of an instantaneous response, so there's time to think over your words, get advice if necessary, and produce a measured response. The obvious downside is the lack of non-verbal context, and people can still dash off an angry letter or thoughtless internet comment without taking the time to think it through. It can also be disadvantageous if there needs to be a lot of complicated back-and-forth in a problem-solving scenario.
Voice- and video-based communication tend to incorporate the worst of both worlds, in my opinion, except in certain niche situations that are rarely found in a business context. They carry the expectation that the recipient be ready to engage in conversation at a moment's notice, but impose very little cost on the caller for doing so. They also hide important non-verbal cues that either aren't captured at all in the communication medium or are hard to pick up on with a small screen. However, for people who already know each other well, like family or close friends, a phone or video call can get enough of the non-verbals through to help the participants in the conversation get a more accurate read on each other's emotional states and connect better. If I want to talk with someone on the phone, I generally send a quick text to allow the other person to call when they're properly situated and ready (if they're available at all), and I appreciate it when others return the same courtesy to me.
Voice-based communication isn't better than text-based, it just represents the norms of a slightly earlier technological era. Both have their own strengths and weaknesses. Though yes, if you want a job, you should at least learn how to manage a standard professional phone call without completely losing it.
When we first moved back to my home town, I had unannounced drop-in family somewhat regularly. I asked my mom to talk to my uncle about it and managed the other "offenders" myself. I just couldn't handle it; in my pajamas with morning sickness and things to do wondering if I should offer someone coffee or just let them sit and hang with the littles while I go about my day.
And during the pandemic, my mother-in-law got so used to video chats it became her default for a while. I had to communicate to both my husband and her that video chats please need to be scheduled; it feels a lot like having company unexpectedly drop by to suddenly have a camera streaming from your home to another state (and sometimes I wasn't even aware another person was "in the room" at first).
While it's wonderful to have face-to-face interactions, and it's easier to have certain conversations over the phone, I don't think it's a problem that text-based communication has become the default. Common courtesy still needs to be taught and how to communicate with someone orally still needs to be taught, but for many people it could be that they grow up and phone calls remain rare enough that they always cause anxiety.
Thanks for the input from all of you. I need to talk to my grandkids by phone now that they are in a safe place. I will take that into account. A different problem I have is unwanted calls from scammers, so I don't answer my phone. I get anywhere from 4 to 14 a day.
Some phones come with the option to send unknown numbers directly to voicemail. That might help.
This was helpful! Several of my children struggle with talking on the phone and this lets me know how to help them.
I can certainly sympathize with young people who are uncomfortable with phone calls. When I was growing up in the 1960s and 1970s, I dreaded using the phone. I didn't know why, it just was very hard to do. As an adult, I concluded it was because I had to come up with something to say on the spot, without being able to plan out what to say as I would when writing a letter, and I didn't have the benefit of seeing someone's reaction as I spoke, as I would in a face-to-face conversation. As an adult I learned to push myself to use the phone when I needed to at work, but if I had the option to walk to someone else's office to talk, I almost always did, even if it was a five-minute walk to the other end of a large building. When email became common I was very happy to use it because I didn't have to use the phone and could take the time to think about what to say. I've only reluctantly started using texting the past few years (I resisted getting a smartphone until then, and only agreed because my husband wanted to be able to create his own hot-spot where wi-fi wasn't available), and I write texts the way I do emails, in full sentences. I like doing calls on Teams, with or without video, but it's normally only with co-workers I've interacted with many times before and about subjects where I'm generally the local expert.
I remember learning to take phone calls at my first job. I hated it at first, but with practice became accustomed to it. I was 16 or 17 and this was shortly before texting became an option, so I did have social experience with the phone (chatting with Grandma, taking messages for my parents, etc.) It's a skill that probably a lot of young people aren't learning. My kids occasionally talk to family on the phone but they rarely "answer the phone" and almost never "make a phone call." We don't allow our oldest to have a cell phone, so he's not getting the social media/texting aspect of life.
Additionally, I feel like with the advent of texting, phone calls are more likely to be more serious conversations. Bad news or urgent questions. And no one wants to get a phone call from work when you're not at work. If it's not my sister calling, I'm likely to cringe when my phone rings and wonder what's wrong, or what interruption is going to happen to my day.
Thoughtful article - I need to work with my kids on their phone etiquette so they aren't "afraid" of using the phone!
We must be of the same generation, as most of what you said was the same for me. My kids also are inexperienced with phone calls and I'm not sure exactly how much I need to work on it with them. Maybe, like us, they will "have to" for work and get used to it; social phone calls aren't really a problem for my teens even though they are rare. So much "daily life" business now is even handled through text or online portals these days. It's so much more convenient for me even as a stay-at-home mom; making most phone calls needs to be something I put on my schedule and lock myself in my bedroom for. When it comes to receiving calls, I have to keep in mind that we used to have phones attached to our walls. I remember before we had an answering machine or caller ID and it's either you make it to the phone in time or you don't; later on with answering machines you could get home or get inside and have a habit of checking for the blinking light. I didn't have to screen calls from the middle of the grocery store and then remember to check for a voice mail in the car in case it's something that needs to be dealt with right away and then remember to return calls at my convenience if it's not urgent. Phone calls these days really are more of a strain than they used to be, so it's not apples to apples.
Yes, exactly!
The thing about an old-fashioned face-to-face interaction is that it usually requires a certain cost to the person initiating it to put in the effort to find the person they want to talk to and strike up a conversation. I suppose drop-in visitors must have been annoying now and then when that was the main method of social interaction, but the numbers would be at least somewhat limited by geography. Face-to-face has several advantages in ensuring that non-verbal cues are also available to provide additional context to the words spoken.
Text-based communication, like emails and letters, removes the expectation of an instantaneous response, so there's time to think over your words, get advice if necessary, and produce a measured response. The obvious downside is the lack of non-verbal context, and people can still dash off an angry letter or thoughtless internet comment without taking the time to think it through. It can also be disadvantageous if there needs to be a lot of complicated back-and-forth in a problem-solving scenario.
Voice- and video-based communication tend to incorporate the worst of both worlds, in my opinion, except in certain niche situations that are rarely found in a business context. They carry the expectation that the recipient be ready to engage in conversation at a moment's notice, but impose very little cost on the caller for doing so. They also hide important non-verbal cues that either aren't captured at all in the communication medium or are hard to pick up on with a small screen. However, for people who already know each other well, like family or close friends, a phone or video call can get enough of the non-verbals through to help the participants in the conversation get a more accurate read on each other's emotional states and connect better. If I want to talk with someone on the phone, I generally send a quick text to allow the other person to call when they're properly situated and ready (if they're available at all), and I appreciate it when others return the same courtesy to me.
Voice-based communication isn't better than text-based, it just represents the norms of a slightly earlier technological era. Both have their own strengths and weaknesses. Though yes, if you want a job, you should at least learn how to manage a standard professional phone call without completely losing it.
When we first moved back to my home town, I had unannounced drop-in family somewhat regularly. I asked my mom to talk to my uncle about it and managed the other "offenders" myself. I just couldn't handle it; in my pajamas with morning sickness and things to do wondering if I should offer someone coffee or just let them sit and hang with the littles while I go about my day.
And during the pandemic, my mother-in-law got so used to video chats it became her default for a while. I had to communicate to both my husband and her that video chats please need to be scheduled; it feels a lot like having company unexpectedly drop by to suddenly have a camera streaming from your home to another state (and sometimes I wasn't even aware another person was "in the room" at first).
While it's wonderful to have face-to-face interactions, and it's easier to have certain conversations over the phone, I don't think it's a problem that text-based communication has become the default. Common courtesy still needs to be taught and how to communicate with someone orally still needs to be taught, but for many people it could be that they grow up and phone calls remain rare enough that they always cause anxiety.
There are always side effects to every drug.